People have asked me on more then one occasion "why I do what I do?" First, let me just say only a person who has "their answers" would ask such a question. People tend to say something like, "I don't understand why knowing who and where you come from is so important when you already know who your parents are." Yes. Yes I do know who my "parents" are, who raised me, who loved me - my family. I already know that. However, they are not who or where I come from. In this life we are both a combination of nature and nurture and there was plenty of obvious "nature" in me to remind me that I was a unique soul being not quite "made of the same stuff" as my parents. (This was both comical and challenging as I was growing up and also recognized by my parents). I am sure there were plenty of times they went to bed asking each other "where did she come from?"After my years of research and speaking to my biological father and full biological siblings (yes I have 3 - amazing!) I understand even my parents didn't know where I came from. Nobody knew where I came from and nobody knew where I went. All I knew was that there were people out there that deserve a "thank you." Thank you for the gift of life.
My biological mother past away in 2004 after a battle with metastatic breast cancer diagnosed at the age of 44. When I found out this information I was 44 years old and ironically had a mammogram scheduled in two days time. You cannot even imagine what I was thinking. This is going to be my fate and the Universe is telling me something, etc. There was no sleeping, there was only the feeling of impending doom. (This gets chalked up on the "things that would have been nice to know a long time ago"list). It is truly a heartfelt shame I will never get to thank her for her loving gesture of trying to offer me a better life and more "chance." In my research I found her ancestry.com profile with a last login date of 2001. She was looking for me when I believed there was no adoption information about my case. My biological siblings all knew that their mother had a baby when she was 17 that she gave up for adoption. When she was dying in 2004 and in hospice care she was giving my sister any information she could remember about July of 1972 and the circumstances surrounding my adoption. She was begging my siblings to "find her missing baby." All of them knew about me. My mother and father (unmarried at the time of her pregnancy) did end up getting married a year later and then had my 3 siblings. My next born sister is 20 months younger then me. On and off through the years they would try and find me - their missing sister. The truth is that nobody would have found me with all of the information about my adoption being false. While I lived my life not knowing what I was missing or what I was going to find in my research, my siblings and parents were living without their oldest sister and daughter. I can't imagine what that must have been like for them.
There are hundreds of thousands of adoptees out there and they all have an unknown story. I have mine and you'll have yours. Most of the time they are never what we think. We may sit there feeling abandoned only to find out people have been searching for us their whole lives. Sometimes we fantasize about what life would have been like with the people we are born from. All things are for a reason. Finding out the TRUTH of who we are is not something we can ever "expect" to know. There are just too many variables in that equation. However, when you add up the variables of your story you are then left with the TRUTH and that is a beautiful thing. It may not be a fairy tail, but it is always a gift. I do what I do because I believe every person has the "right" to know their truth if they want to. Searching is a difficult road to navigate and I have already been there and done that. Bottom line is......I want to help people who need it.